Finding his Gryffindor courage
by nyxxxxx
Summary: Sirius is in Hogwart's dark tower waiting to be given the Dementor's kiss. A certain Potion's master visits him and learns more than he bargained for. Unbetaed. Rated T for safety. Written for SeverusHermioneForever's Admitting their sexuality challenge.


Finding his Gryffindor courage.

A/N I own nothing but the plot and I'm making no money from this little one shot is set in Prizoner of Azkaban just after the scene in the Skrieking Shack where we find out that it was Peter Pettigrew and not Sirius Black that betrayed Harry's parents to Voldemort. This turned out to be harder to write than I thought so as always constructive feedback is well come on this or indeed any of my stories. I'd particularly like feedback on my keeping Snape in character as he's my fav and I'd like to do him justice.

Warnings : Mild bad language, Boy x Boy romance but no smut.

Locked up again! After he had lead Moony away from the Whomping Willow and blacked out from the Dementors attack he and Harry had barely survived. Sirius had woken up and had been unceromoniously dumped in yet another cold dark cell. Sirius had to admit though that this one was considerablely better than the last one. He didn't appear to be sharing it with anything too disgusting from the lack of scratching noises and that was always a bonus he supposed. Not only that but holding a very starved and irritable Moony at bay hadn't been one of his favourite tasks. Remus was bloody strong in werewolf form. It had been just his luck that his old friend had chosen this particular night to forget the potion that would stop him from transformimg under a full moon. Just when things were finally starting to look up after twelve years he would rather forget. Slouching on the stone cold floor, won't have to put up with the aching for very long Sirius thought to himself ruefully. Merlin his head couldn't he have landed on something a bit softer when he blacked out.

" Damn it a wand would have been nice right about now"

Where the hell had he dropped the one Remus had handed him anyway? Still he had finally seen Harry again after all these years and Harry had turned out to be such an amazing mix of both James and Lily. He was proud to be the boys godfather.

Waiting in Hogwart's dark tower soon to be given the Dementors kiss wasn't exactly the wonderful homecoming the animagus had hoped for. Offering Harry a home with him might have been a bit impetuous but it was something he dearly wished for. To have the son of his childhood friends in his life would mean he still had a part of them with him. Harry was a good kid as Sirius knew he would be and oh how he missed Prongs. If only he had not persuaded James and Lily to name Peter as their secret keeper. That rat was the reason that Harry didn't have his parents with him today and it made the animagus furious. He should have trusted Remus and told him that they changed secret keepers. Thinking that Remus might have been a spy back then seemed absurd in hindsight. Now it looked as though he would have to leave Harry too but he longed to tell Harry all the great misadventures he and the rest of the Maruders had enjoyed during their time at Hogwarts. Having been the blacksheep of the Black family,a Gryffindor in amoungst a family of pureblood Slytherins. The Mauruders had been his true family, James and Remus being like brothers to him. So much so that Jame's parents had been kind enough to take him in at sixteen, treating him as one of their own. Even Padfoot's fleas hadn't bothered them. Sirius hadn't lied when he had said that he would have died rather than betray his friends. His friends had been all that he had had that ever meant a damn to him.

Snivellus' appearance had been perturbing. Though changed Sirius could still see much of the awkward teen he had once known and teased relentlessly in his school days. Lashing out had been the result of old habits and having a wand thrust into his face by the very smug potions master. Snape had always been able to get a reaction out of him. Usually a negative one. Sirius wasn't surprized at Snapes intense dislike of him. After all he had humiliated and inadvertantly nearly caused the mans death as a boy. A regret he had never been able to rectify. Claiming that he was capable of killing him, even going so far as to say that he would willingly stand by and watch while the Dementors gave him the kiss. That had stung more than Sirius would have liked to admit. Ever since he could remember Snape had been a thorn in his paw. Although largely treated with distain at home, Sirius had been popular as a teen and Snivillus' cool indifference had proven irkesome. Aged eleven and traveling on the Hogwarts express for the first time to start his first year at school hearing Snape spouting drivel about how great Slytherin was had nearly made him vomit. His family were all Slytherin and there wasn't many decent ones amoung them. Apart from a very rare few. That was the wrong foot that started all the mess. Taking out his resentment of his elitist family on Snape that day had triggered everything that followed. He hadn't even known the little oddball then but by then Sirius was already biased against anything Slytherin. Well Snape had turned out to be a Slytherin just like he wanted and an annoying one at that. Shouldn't have bothered Sirus so much but it had. Why?. Very early on Sirius had felt the need for Snivellus' why he had targeted the other boy so much. It had worked too. Snape always seemed to be trying to get him and the other Maruders into trouble. Funny thing bout being in Azkaban. If the daily presence of the Dementors didn't send you insane like his deranged cousin Bellatrix you had plenty of time to think. Plenty of time to figure out the reasons behind any of your less than steller actions in the past. It was then imprisoned in the Wizaerding worlds most notorious prison that Sirius had acknowleged that his actions towards Snape had been a cleverly concealed, ill-conceived crush. He still couldn't explain it. Calling it a crush wasn't exactly accurate but it was the closest thing to describe it even if the word didnt really convey whatever 'it' was that was there.

" Bet your ever so bloody pleased with this aren't you Snivellus."

Despite knowing the man couldn't possibly hear him, the need to shout out dejectedly was there none the less. If dear old Snivellus knew the truth no doubt he'd be even more amused if not horrified. Arhh he should be trying to figure out a way to escape not thinking about Snape's scrawny arse. Perfect, seeing Snape again had dredged up all those unwanted feelings and now they stubbornly refused to go away. A sharp stinging hex would find it's way to anyone that called him out on it but Sirius was loath to admit that he had winded up liking the sour faced git. All the teasing had been indeed been an act to get Snape to notice him without revealing his feelings to his friends. Feelings Sirius hadn't understood the true nature of until much later. The disgust James would have surely had would have crusted him. Remus had enough to think about with his condition. He didn't want Snape laughing at him either. Especially when he didn't even want to admit to his near obssession to himself let alone anyone else. Lily might have understood at one point but he hadn't yet been close enough to confide in her that time even if he had realised the true reasons behind his actions. Later on he might have if Snape hadn't fouled up so royally making a total arse of himself by insulting Lily. After that Snape had been a bit of a sore spot where Lily was concerned. Lily would have probably forgiven Snape in the end if only he hadn't fouled up yet again by taking the dark mark and joining those filthy Death eaters. Oh there was plenty of animosity there. Hatred hadn't fueled it though. Trying to clasisfy the relationship he had with Snivellus was a lesson in futiliy. Perhaps giving in would be the better option. Fighting at every chance was draining and time was something Sirius now had precious little of.A truce before his soul was sucked out leaving him a hollow shell seemed fitting. Who cared if it was only in his mind. A whole conversation could be played out in his head where secrets would be divulged and grudges buried. The bat didn't have to know.

The time to do anything had long since past not that there were any way to improve matters. Not really. Scandalous revelations would remain unspoken. Dumbledore would do all he could however his hands were firmly tied by half-witted Ministry officals. Agonising over what more he could have done to help Harry wouldn't be anymore useful either. Harry would just have to go on without his godfathers aid. He had done all he could and hoped it would be enough.

" The accomodiations not to your liking Black?" Ok so Fate is a nasty piece of work that hates me. Snivellus must have practically fallen over himself to gain one last chance to taunt him before he was given over to the Dementors.

" Oh I dunno. Add some curtains and the place could be quite homey" Pushing up from the floor and moving into the dim light stood Sirius facing the man who dominated his thoughts not moments ago. Yes at that moment Sirus didnt doubt that fate was out to bite him in the ass.

" Pity then that you wont be able to enjoy it for very long" Trademark smirk in place, Hogwart's most feared professer's eyes gave away nothing yet the viterol that promised to follow his arrival was oddly welcome. If nothing else a good exchange of insults was just the thing to stop him thinking too deeply into the sorry state he had found himself in.

" Shouldn't you be off making vile concoctions in some dank dungeon somewhere Snivellus?

" It was Pettigrew! "

" Peter? What do you mean it was Peter? Of course it was bloody Peter!. Despite your ever so high opinion of me Snape I've never purposefully tried to get anyone killed. Least of all James and Lily, my friends. "

Cold eyes narrowed on the caged man.

" Thats not an entirely accurate statement now is it Black. I seem to recall a somewhat painful experience in our sixth year that would suggest otherwise." Snape practically spat the words 'painful experience'.

" I was a boy! " Sirius could help but try and excuse his actions even though he knew them to be wrong.

" You were and still are an arrogant swine. Tell me, did you do it to impress Potter or was mear boredom grounds for your imbecilic not to mention reckless Gryffindor behaviour? "

" Better than a slimy, sneaky Slyther.. Oh just sod off Snape." Frustrated Sirius couldn't even form a proper retort to yell back.

" Eloquent as ever Black"

" I was a bloody berk alrite!We were idiots!. Happy now? Remarkable as it my seem I'm not proud of what James and I did that day Snape. I just wanted..forget it. It doesn't matter."

" Of all the self important nonsense.. You and your conceited friend nearly caused my demise at the hands of another one of your loathsome group. Still indulge me Black if you will. Just what did you want? Though I hardly think any response to be illuminating"

Buried under Snape's acerbic interrogation lay an honest curiousity. Speaking in a voice uncharactistically small Sirius stumbled to find the right words. It wasn't like he would another chance at this.

" Coming from the noble house of Black wasn't exactly an ideal situation since I was rapidly growing a distaste for their bigoted values. I associated those values with being Slytherin since my family held a long tradition of belonging to that house. Eager to distance myself from the very things you found so fascinating I used it as justification for verbally laying into you. Later on it was a means to make you notice my existence.

" I fail to see why my acknowledgment of you should be of any importance Black but pray do continue."

Sighing Sirius chose to continue. After all he had come this far. " Merlin Snape do you ever make anything easy? I had this ridiculous infatuation. I became fixated, on you." Having confessed the very air grew quite waiting for the mocking that Sirius was sure would result from such an admission.

" Fixated? Could it be that Gryffindors very own ladys man prefers the company of men?" Snapes tone seemed more pensive than appalled." Both products of our dubious upbringings I suppose it is not so implausable to suggest we share simliar idiosyncrasies. Perhaps we were in hindsight both reprehensible. I however have no such predilection for the male sex." Although willing to concede that small point Snape refused to reveal the feelings he still harboured for Lily.

Sirius took the tentative understanding for what it was, a fragile forgiveness. He'd never learned of Snape's home life but would take the other man at his word that it, like his own had not been pleasent. There was never any expectation that Snape was intrested in men and he didn't begrudge him his sexual preference. Nothing would come of it had he been inclined towards men. Bad history was something that was hard to overcome.

" When do you think they will come for me? " Changing the subject Sirius didn't need to state who they were. Snape's orignal reason for being there had been the Dementors kiss Sirius was condemned to recieve.

" Dumbledore is stalling for what I can only imagine." Turning to leave Snape stopped still in hearing distance without looking back. " I find I no longer crave your demise Black. Your foolish godson has a precedent for uncommon serendipity. Perhaps it would in this case be wise to follow in his example." With that Snape exited black robes billowing behind him.

It seemed then that the surly potions master wasn't the only one to visit. Looking down Sirius felt something pressing up against his calf, to find a ginger ball of fluff looking back up at him. " Crooks! Seems I'm rather popular tonight. Who would have thought Snivellus and I could have something resembling a civil conversation. Watching us was you? Well I wouldn't let on. He's liable to use you for potions ingredients." Too which Crookshanks meowed his aversion to that idea." Never did get to thankyou for your help trying to catch Peter early by the way. Come to keep me company did you? Appreciate that." It wasn't until Harry and Hermione showed up to free him seconds after the feline departed that Sirius realized that Crookshanks might have been trying to tell him that the good fortune Snape spoke of was indeed his. He had found his Gryffindor courage to come out to the most unlikely of people, survived imprisonment twice, and had narrowly escaped the kiss. Now if only he could help defeat a mad half- blood intent on dominating the wizarding world and keep Harry alive.

A/N I know some may of wanted Sirius and Snape to end up together but the muses had other ideas here. In truth even I didn't know if they would get together right until the end. Crook's appearence was again not planned but the little kneazle just had to make himself known.


End file.
